The Plan

Conversations of late have been revolving around the future. 

My little sister and I had a chat about where we'll be when we grow up.  We both agreed that we don't plan on living in our hometown after we graduate college.  There are so many places in the world - why would we want to experience only one of them? 

My boss shared insight with me the other day about her success in life- she is not afraid of change.  She said a lot of people her age stay in the same place for more than 30 years, but she has always been ready to take whatever path life opens up.  She embraces the opportunities she is presented with anticipation, not fear.

When spring semester was drawing to a close, I met a guy who was set to graduate that next week... who was only in his second year of school... and double-majoring in business and nuclear engineering.  Holy moly ambition.  He told me that his next step was to leave for New York City, where he would be working for a medical research team, but before he made it there, he was doing a month-long internship in Las Vegas. 

A few months ago, I had lunch with a friend, and for fun, we daydreamed out the next ten or so years of our lives.  I don't remember what his plan was (oops, bad friend), but mine has stuck with me.  Of course, I don't expect that my life will follow exactly this oddly specific design, but it captures the essence of what I'm aiming for.  Life has so much to offer.  If it takes a silly little agenda to remember that, then a silly little agenda I'll make.

The Plan

The next three years - I'll finish school, of course.  I love college with my whole heart, and my days there are filled to the brim.  I plan to study abroad for a semester, somewhere in Europe, perhaps.  And heeding some advice from my double major friend, I'll intern as much as possible. 

The one or two or three after that - New York City!  Or Chicago or DC or any big city with skyscrapers and museums and lots of take-out options (but I'm set on New York for right now).  I'll live in a big, airy studio apartment and find a job with my brand new marketing degree and community-and-civic-engagement minor.  I don't want to live there long term; I'd miss the stars, fields, and trees, and I don't really want to have kids there.  I think. 

And for about a year - a friend of a friend of a friend will have a cousin or something who lives in Italy or someplace and is a librarian.  Said cousin will become pregnant and her protective Italian husband will insist that she take a year off for her and the baby's health.  So I'll take over as the librarian at a sweet little village library, and teach English lessons in the afternoon.  I'll stay in the extra room at the home of a old couple who speak no English.  They'll make me coffee in the mornings and pasta at night.  I'll be absolutely broke from spending all of my money traveling around the continent.
     *Sidenote: I'm not sure where things will be relationship-wise by this point.  Maybe I'll have a husband... maybe I'll have nothing.  In that case, I'll have a romantic fling with a very tall and and very dark and very handsome Italian man.  Duh.

After that - maybe I'll settle down at this point.  With a husband and kids and such. I'd love a place full of history, and not too much snow.

Beyond that, it's all a little fuzzy.  But aren't dreams always so?

Intent

Congratulations to me, I am now a working girl!  Big, scary life in the corporate world starts for me next Tuesday, when I will begin my job as an elementary school secretary.  I'll line up with the ranks to punch my clock and and join the force drudging away nine to five (eight to three).

In the meantime, I'll conclude my little miniseries of musings on summer (parts one and two can be found here and here).  After worrying over the fact that my summer needs some sort of purpose, and feeling only a little peace about its current state,  I have finally decided to just accept this time.  The earth will keep revolving, heedless of how I am dealing with my trivial days.  C'est la vie, what can I do but embrace every moment?  To do this, I've laid down some intent for the summer. Nothing major - just a reminder that I am still burgeoning, still flourishing, though it may not always be in an overly obvious way. 

Intent for the Summer

In three months time, I will be closer to my family and closer to my God.  

I will be able to say that I have enjoyed the sunshine.  

I will not have let days go by without giving them a chance for adventure.  

I will have taken advantage of the time that I had to be still and rest.  

I will have cherished old friendships and created new ones.

I will have experienced something new, even if it didn't turn out as I expected.

I will have gained knowledge and perspective. 

This summer, I will use the days that I have been given to grow.

Summer Thoughts

 All my life, I have been the classic summer lover.  I eagerly count the days each year until school is over, I make buckets lists to fill the long days, I stay up late with the lingering summer sun and then wish on the stars as they come out.  My skin turns a deep brown, but my hair turns impossibly light.  Summer is when I thrive, and every year it gets better and better, leaving me hoping that it will never end.

 A few months ago when I was caught in the bleakness of February winter, I assumed that this year would be no different.  Summer still seemed a long way off, and therefore had that shiny luster of things unattainable.  However, as the year neared closer and closer to its end, I realized that this year was different.  Summer meant that I had to leave my new life at school, which I had come to love so acutely.  Rather than happily counting the days until summer began, I was reluctantly counting the few days I had left of my wonderful freshman year. 

This brings me here- a little more than a week into being home.  I am slowly finding a routine for my days, but still searching for an overall direction.  I have decided that in order to make these months the most that they can be, I need to live very purposefully.  If I had put this three month break right here at this time by design, what would I use it for?  If summer had been completely my idea, rather than something purely circumstantial, what would I plan for it to be? 

Summer is just beginning, but I have a feeling that it will be gone in a blink.  I am committing to finding the joie de vivre that complements this time so perfectly, and when I do, I'll be sure to let you know.

"Then I began to notice how wonderful the breeze smelled.  It smelled like... sunshine.  Like sunshine and wild grass and pomegranates and rain!  I couldn't stop breathing it in, filling my lungs again and again with the sweetest smell I'd ever known." 

- Flipped

Playing in the Dust

"I took this incarnation 

to experience your universal drama,

Yet like a small child, 

I only played with dust."

This short stanza is from a poem by Lex Hixon called "The play of my soul is over" (found in the book Mother of the Universe).  Now, I don't exactly ascribe to the whole worship-the-goddess-Kali, Hindu-reincarnation, wear-a-garland-of-severed-heads-around-your-neck lifestyle that the poems endorse, but I do like the message that these particular verses are throwing out there.  

It's kind of spinning the traditional carpe diem mantra.  To me, it's saying, take the opportunity in front of you.  Take advantage of what you are being faced with right now.  Don't just sit and let life pass you by.  It reminds me of that little kid on Christmas Day, who wakes up to find that Santa brought him this awesome, new, and exciting (fill-in-the-blank), but instead of being totally enthralled by the new toy all day, he ends up just playing with the empty box that the toy came in for ages.  (I realize that this analogy could also be used to say "Find Joy in the Little Things!" or "Look Past Appearances!" but bear with me here.)  The kid is sitting with this empty box in front of him, and it consumes all of his focus, so much so that he misses out on all of the excitement that waits for him with the true prize.  How much am I missing out on by only focusing on empty boxes?  In this case, the author of this poem took on Incarnation- to experience Universal Drama!  This sounds (albeit slightly ridiculous) like it has so much potential!  And yet he sits playing in the dust, missing out on so much.

As much as I would like to say that I read this book on my own to expand my cultural horizons and understand a novel way of thinking, I actually read it because it was assigned in my World Lit class.  Today when we were discussing it, my professor summed up one of the major points of the book as this:

 Death only matters if you are living a less-than life. 

It was a striking thought.  It resonates especially with me because I realized that my God is great enough to reach me even through the teachings of another religion.  This thought about less-than life is exactly what God is saying to me about my life... death is not important because my life is not less-than when I have redemption and a higher purpose to live for (his glory).  I have something new to focus on.

SO here we go, time to start.  Don't settle for less than this fantastic new life- Put down the empty box.  Brush off the dust.